Befriending Your Emotions
💡From Suppression to Wisdom
For 43 years, I physically felt the rising tide of emotions, trying - sometimes desperately - to control them. I had been told that emotions had no place in boardrooms, that they were unprofessional, that they clouded rational thinking. I believed it. I tried to push them away, manage them, suppress them.
Then, my coaching supervisor Divinia Knowles FCMA said something that changed everything:
"What if your emotions were your superpower?"
At first, I resisted. But as I dived into my training with The Somatic School, something shifted. It felt like a homecoming. I stopped fighting my emotions and started listening to them. I stayed curious. I saw them as data - valuable intelligence guiding me toward what mattered.
I realised that emotions aren’t something to fix or control - they are something to understand and integrate.
🧠 The Neuroscience of Emotional Processing
Most of us try to manage emotions at the wrong level.
When we feel overwhelmed, anxious, or stuck, we instinctively try to control the feeling itself - the anxiety, frustration, sadness. But emotions are bodily responses - autonomic processes we cannot directly control. What we can influence is the story we tell ourselves and the patterns we reinforce.
Reframing Your Relationship with Emotions
1️⃣ Distancing – You are not your emotion Instead of saying: “I have anxiety,” try “I feel anxious about [specific situation].” This subtle shift creates space between you and the emotion, allowing for perspective and regulation.
2️⃣ Understanding – Emotions as constructed meaning
Feelings = Raw sensory data (racing heart, tense shoulders).
Emotions = The brain’s interpretation of that data (anxiety, excitement, anger).
Thoughts = The narrative we attach to the emotion.
When we change the thought, we change the emotional response.
3️⃣ The Power of Thought Reframing Choose a story that serves you:
Instead of “I’m failing,” try “I am learning through this challenge.”
Instead of “They don’t value me,” try “Their reaction says more about their state than my worth.”
Emotions are real, but they are not always accurate reflections of reality.
🌊 Lessons from Nature: Emotions Are Like the Ocean
Emotions are like the ocean: sometimes calm, sometimes stormy, always in motion. When we try to suppress emotions, it’s like trying to hold back a wave with our bare hands. The energy doesn’t disappear, it builds beneath the surface, creating tension until it crashes over us.
But if we learn to ride the waves instead of resisting them, we can move with our emotions, rather than being pulled under by them.
How to navigate the emotional ocean:
🌊 Observe the Tide – Just like the ocean has high and low tides, emotions ebb and flow. No feeling is permanent. Pause and notice—what’s rising in you right now?
🌬 Breathe and Float – The more we fight emotions, the stronger they pull us under. Instead, breathe into the feeling, give it space, and let it move through you.
🏄♀️ Learn to Surf – Experienced surfers don’t fight the wave; they read it, adapt to it, and move with it. We can do the same—by acknowledging, processing, and reframing emotions, we gain balance and control.
The ocean doesn’t judge itself for being stormy one day and calm the next. Neither should you!!!
🎯 Shifting from Control to Processing
Instead of suppressing emotions, process them. Here’s how:
1️⃣ Riding the Wave – Let emotions flow naturally
💡 The biological lifespan of an emotion is just 90 seconds. If we don’t resist it, the intensity will naturally subside.
2️⃣ Naming & Voicing – Speak emotions to reduce their intensity
🗣 Try saying out loud: “I feel frustrated because I need clarity.” This activates the prefrontal cortex, helping regulate emotions.
3️⃣ Movement – Shake it out, walk, or stretch
🚶♀️ Physical movement helps process stored tension and restore balance.
4️⃣ Reappraisal – Shift the story you tell yourself
💡 “What’s another way I can see this?” This rewires habitual responses, reducing stress.
5️⃣ Felt Sensing – Engage with emotions, don’t fight them
👂 Listen to your body. Instead of reacting, sit with emotions and ask: "What are you trying to tell me?"
✨ Actionable Practice: Emotional Check-In
This week, instead of suppressing emotions, try this:
Pause and Notice: What emotions are present for you today?
Identify the Unmet Need: What is this emotion signalling? What needs attention?
Choose Your Narrative: What story serves you best in this moment?
🌱 Your Thoughts?
I’d love to hear your reflections:
💼 How do you handle emotions in leadership spaces?
🌊 Have you ever reframed an emotion and noticed a shift?
🧠 How do you support emotional intelligence in your team?
Let’s start a conversation - drop your thoughts in the comments!
📅 Events & Resources
🎧 Resource: Explore my Guide to Processing Emotions and / or read "How emotions are made" by Lisa Feldman Barrett
🎓 Masterclass: I recently delivered an Emotional Regulation & Embodied Intelligence workshop - if your organisation is curious about this, let’s talk!
🧭 Coaching Availability: I have a few 1:1 coaching slots available for Q1. Book a discovery call here.
Tune into your body intelligence, stay curious, and move with your emotions.
Love,
Dag
P.S. Are you ready to deepen your emotional intelligence and work with - rather than against - your emotions? If your team or organisation is exploring embodied leadership, emotional regulation, or nervous system awareness, I’d love to help. Visit my website dagmaraaldridge.com, email coaching@dagmaraaldridge.com, or use the ‘Book a Meeting’ button on my LinkedIn profile. Let’s explore what’s waiting to unfold for you.
