The Sound of Silence: Leadership Lessons from a Silent Retreat
Yesterday, I returned from a silent retreat, aiming to deepen my mindfulness practice and find answers to some pressing questions that have been piling up in my head. Over the course of 116 hours, 108 of which were spent in complete silence, I discovered that silence isn’t as silent as one might think. The world is a noisy place, even without the distractions of wifi, TV, and digital devices.
Some of this 'noise' was truly beautiful: bird songs (I can now recognise a pheasant's mating call), baby lambs calling for their mothers, the whisper of woods and trees first thing in the morning, wildflower meadows buzzing with life (literally), swallows chatting away, and even a ‘lost’ seal in the river Dart. The river itself, alive with the tide's push against the current, created a boiling noise that was both mesmerising and somewhat unsettling, what I imagined a witches cauldron would sound. Yet, some noises punctuated our silence more severely, like a fighter jet flying by, reminding us of all conflicts unfolding in the world. And, of course, there was the constant mind chatter that becomes more noticeable when the external world is quiet.
Our mindfulness teacher introduced us to three levels of silence to attain: the silence of words, the silence of thoughts/attention, and the silence of spirit. The silence of words was wonderfully easy for me, even seductive I would say. The silence of thoughts required dealing with the constant disruptions of our narrative mind, simply noticing the thinking, and returning to the present moment. Something that my coaching clients know too well about. The silence of spirit involved being comfortable with discomfort and whatever is present, without judgement, and with kindness and tenderness towards ourselves, a lifetime practice even for a competent mindfulness practitioner.
While practising these three levels of silence with a varied success, I hoped for answers to my pressing questions. To my surprise, none arrived. Instead, I observed that silence created a unique capacity to truly listen at all levels, making the choice of words more deliberate and meaningful when the time to speak came. Of the four levels of listening, when stripped of the opportunity to practise levels 1 and 2, your capacity for levels 3 and 4 dials up.
Listen to respond
Listen to understand
Listen for potential
Listen for the whole, beyond the words.
When your turn to speak arrives, you feel a responsibility not to pollute the silence with emptiness but to speak what truly matters.
As the retreat ended, my answer sheet was still empty. I realised that perhaps Rainer Maria Rilke was right when he wrote, "[...] Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them." Perhaps the answers weren't arriving because I wasn't ready to embody them? My final lesson was to remain patient, focus on the here and now, and trust that one day I will live into the answers.
My Leadership Lessons for the Boardroom
Embrace Silence: Silence isn't empty; it's full of answers waiting to unfold and simply be heard. Create moments of silence in meetings to encourage deep reflection and thoughtful responses.
Deep Listening: Practise the four levels of listening, especially levels 3 and 4, to understand the potential and the whole context of discussions. This leads to more meaningful and impactful conversations and more insights.
Mindful Communication: Choose your words with intention. When you do speak, ensure your words add value and substance, rather than filling the silence with noise. And if you have nothing to say, don’t feel obliged to say anything!
Patience and Presence: Answers and insights often come with time. Encourage a culture of patience and focus on the present moment, fostering an environment where clarity and solutions can naturally emerge.
These were my lessons from the silent retreat, which I hope will encourage you to try one if you've been on a fence. It can be a transformative experience, offering both profound insights and a new perspective on listening and communication.
Thank you for reading.
Stay mindful and lead with purpose.
Dag
P.S. If you are a tech startup executive or leader looking for a coach who understands your unique circumstances and can help you and your team, please get in touch via my website dagmaraaldridge.com, email coaching@dagmaraaldridge.com, or use the appointment button on my LinkedIn profile.
